Whenever I’m washing the dishes or walking home from work, I spend that time listening to a podcast. Usually when I’m doing these things I am alone, when my wife is with me I listen to her sweet melodious voice. On this one occasion, I listened to a pastor preach and what he said really grabbed my attention.
He said the one of the most valuable things that a man has to offer a woman is not between his legs, but between his ears.
Photo: Travis Isaacs
Photo: Travis Isaacs
That struck me as so interesting and strange. This pastor went on to suggest that a man’s thoughts, his ideas, the dreams that fill his brain, that these things are the most valuable things that a man can give a woman.
I thought that he was crazy at first.
Look around you. Look at the magazine on the coffee table at the dentists office. Look at the end of the sports section in the paper. Look at the waves of advertisements that fill your Facebook homepage. What is always there?
Sex.

Sex bombards our lives. It is everywhere. It has infiltrated every part of our lives, our social media, our entertainment, our businesses, our schools.
I would be hard pressed to think of a place where sex is not plastered.
And from the way that sex is everywhere and is used to sell everything and used to make everything humorous, if you didn’t know better, you would think that sex was the most important thing that humanity had to offer.
But this pastor seemed to be convinced otherwise.
Does that mean that locked within the confines of my mind is the solution to cure cancer or AIDS? Could I solve the problems that have plagued humanity for centuries?
Maybe, or maybe not.
I don’t think that was what the pastor meant when he said that the most important thing that a man can offer a woman is between his ears.
I think that he meant it this way.
We sacrifice our bodies for our jobs. We get up way too early, drug ourselves with pots of coffee to stay functional so that we can meet and exceed the expectations of the work place. We crunch the numbers, get carpel-tunnel in our wrists and fingers from typing. We pull muscles and have beams fall on us when we are working on the construction site. By the end of a single work day, our bodies are bruised and beaten to the point that they are good for nothing.
Not that at the end of the day, we do not long or desire the physical comfort of our spouse, but that is not going to sustain all that we are.
Most importantly, the physical act of sex is not going to sustain your marriage, your relationship.
This pastor observed that the reason that a lot of marriages, or relationships in general, end is because there is a total breakdown in communication. It was not an issue of sex, but a matter of not sharing what was going on in the space between the ears.
He was not putting all the blame on the man or on the woman, but on the fact that people will not share what is actually on their minds. What they are actually thinking about is not being communicated. How often has this been your response to this question?
“What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing.”
And we are surprised when our relationships, when our marriages fall apart? “Nothing” is all they have to offer, or what to offer and that is what they put into the relationship. We do not seem to want to or know how to share even the most simple of things with those that are closest to us. Even though the answer may be uninteresting or bland, though it may be deep and philosophical, the thoughts that we have, the communication and conversation that we have is the vital string that ties our relationships together. Without that communication, without that sharing of space between the ears, regardless of how good the sex is, we will continue to see relationships fall apart.
And that should not be the case.
The deep and simple truth is this: we need to share our thoughts, our hopes and dreams, our ideas and concepts with those that we have a relationship with, or we will see our relationships fall apart. Conversation, through sharing, is the string that holds a relationship together.
That is the greatest thing that a man can share with a woman.
Shalom.
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