|Courtesy of Morguefile.com
The reason behind this has nothing to do with God.
It has nothing to do with the church even.
The issue here is me.
I’m the reason that I have stopped, or rather I am trying to stop, giving my best to God.
Let’s take a step back so you understand where I’m coming from.
Because, according to the Scriptures, giving your best to God is a good thing.
Actually, it is how everything should be done.
In worship, God required the perfect animals to be sacrificed.
People had to wash and abstain from sexual activity.
They had to do this and not do that.
A believer in God would spend their entire lives doing things in a particular way.
It had to be just right.
It had to be the best.
And this tradition of excellence has been passed down from the days of old until now.
We have to sing our songs to God the best way we know how.
All of our sermons, lessons for Sunday School, or events for the youth groups; everything has to be done to perfection.
Still, not a bad thing. Honoring God with our best is something we should all strive for.
But it is also what was driving me into a depression.
I have a problem where I don’t know what my best actually is.
I could throw myself fully at a project, say, a sermon for Sunday.
There could be hours and hours spent reading and researching.
And then more hours actually writing the sermon.
Maybe another hour or two finding graphics and pictures for the slides to go along with that sermon.
Then, when Sunday finally did arrive, I would feel my stomach and spirit turning violently.
“I’m unprepared, I don’t know what I’m talking about” the voice in my head would scream.
No matter what kind of affirmations or congratulations I might have received, it didn’t seem to matter.
If it was my darling wife or the lead pastor or any one of the congregational members, somewhere deep inside I felt that they were only being polite.
Because I could have done better.
I could have spent more time reading and researching. Or more time writing, preparing slides, praying.
I could have done this better or that.
It became a whirlpool of “whatever I do, it sucks”.
It was destroying me. It was ruining my relationship with my congregation, my youth, my wife.
So, I’ve given up. I am no longer giving God my best.
Because I don’t know what my best looks like.
It could be what I do every Friday with the youth, or every other Sunday in church.
I don’t know.
Rather than try to give God some unattainable ideal that I have in my screwed up head, I’m going to give Him what I can.
If I can only put in so many hours for my sermon, so be it.
I did what I could. I am only human.
If youth night isn’t as thought provoking or earth shattering, I’m going to have to be okay with that.
There are only so many hours in the day, and I need to sleep at some point.
I haven’t totally worked this ridiculous idea of giving perfect gifts to God out of my system, but I’m trying.
It will take time, I know.
It will take me consciously telling myself, it doesn’t have to be perfect. It only has to be your best.
It will be a long time before I’m totally okay with just my best.
But that is fine.
And I think God is fine with that too.
He would rather have my best and be alive after I give it, than my best and me died trying to make it better.
If you struggle with the same thing that I am, trying to achieve perfection, trying to give God a perfect gift or offering, take my advice.
Just do what you can.
Don’t kill yourself over giving back to God.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? I WANT TO KNOW!
Do you struggle with this too?
How do you deal with it?
Let me know your thoughts in the comment section below.
After that it would be great if you liked and shared this blog, +1 it if you are on the Google+.
And you can always follow me here on WordPress, on the Twitter, @regrivett and on Google+ for more good stuff.